I feel a globe the size of a golf ball in my chest. It's on my right, above my breasts and beneath my collar bone. It sometimes hollows and reverberates when I feel a specific type of pain. The pain of an unrequited or simply unfulfilled love. A desire to see a lover oceans away. The three words "I miss you" seem to capture the dull ache quite well. The ache can be described as a sour clench, a pang of craving for something or someone unattainable. It starts from the globe, t

(Another fragment written in the same dark season.) How You Make Me Feel Being vulnerable is easy for me, I can easily describe all the multitudes of sadness that I feel and name why. I’ve been triggered by babies and children lately, I see their tiny teacup faces and I think about yours and how they’ll never be mine or how I might never have any. I envision your happy Sundays where you take your stroller on a quiet walk by the pier with him. It breaks my heart again and agai

(In retrospect after months of therapy, I know this was written in a dark time and it now reads much more like a letter to myself but take it how you will.) A Letter to Whoever May Come in the Future You , you are late. I have felt your ache for as long as I can remember. Felt you brush over my skin in the depths of my sleep. I have told you about the moon, the birds, the lakes, and the trees. Felt you in the warmth of the sun, the cold in the night. I told everyone about you